Conversations with a two year old

Interesting conversations can be had with peculiarly verbal two year olds.

A - "I really miss my father. "

Me - "Yeah, I know."

A - "I lost him in the desert somewheres."

Me - (choking a bit) "No, you didn't lose him. He's working and he'll be back when he's done."

A - "And he'll come and pick me up? After supper?"

Me - "No, not after supper, but when he's done then he'll sure pick you up."

A - "Okay." (and off to playing)

C gets into a blue mood sometimes about us being on our own, and with her it's pretty much out there. She'll have a little rant or cry and we'll get past it and she's all right. A, on the other hand, isn't at all. She's just kind analytical... and when she has an answer it's all good again. Weird kid. LOL

Things are still good on the homefront. We're here for another day before we head to New Brunswick to visit some friends there, then back for a few days before we finally board a plane back to Alberta. We've done a TON of visiting, had some fun times, reconnected with friends that we miss, and all that good stuff - plus spent enough time at the beach to remind my why the 'beach' in Cold Lake is such a letdown. *sigh* Now I'm in the homestretch where I'm picking a few last people to spend time with and collecting up things to bring back for us and for friends. I've got to pick up a spare duffle bag to hold the extra stuff we've picked up... that's one of today's missions.

DH is doing well. He's had a chance to see a good friend and a cousin this week, which strikes me as almost funny - he had to go halfway around the world in order to spend a day with people from home.  LOL We're mucho looking forward to HLTA - that's the CF lingo for VACATION!!! He'll be home for a couple of weeks, which will be really, REALLY nice. :)

Just popping in to say hello... the trip is going pretty well and we've had a chance to see most of the people we wanted to. Lots of time at the beach, too. This coming weekend is full of festival activities, assuming they don't all get rained out, and next week is filling up with various plans with (and without) friends or family. We'll be headed to New Brunswick for a bit soon, and I really can't wait for that, to see some of our dearest friends and to celebrate their new home :)

It's a little weird, this business of staying with family for an extended visit. On the one hand, it's great - the kids get to see their grandparents and cousin every day, there is another adult around most of the time, I have a car available, and there is no room & board charge. But on the other hand, it's really challenging as we have different eating styles, different housecleaning styles, vastly different attitudes about SO many things... and it's been hot & muggy quite a lot which lends itself to cranky kids and migraine headaches (really, REALLY bad combination).

I'm also surrounded by a really depressing trend of marriages in trouble, relationships gone sour, and kids who drive me a wee bit crazy. I'm sure there are just as many everywhere else, but here it's all people I know and it's a bit overwhelming seeing it all at once. Especially since I can just see so many things that could turn the tide around, little things that people do or don't do... and most of them are so small that I just want to shake people, knock their heads together, or scream!!!!!!!!!!!

I've posted little things to Facebook. I don't know if the people I'm concerned about even read my updates, but hopefully they will... and not take the comments as insults but as lightbulb moments.

Given no appreciative feedback, no gratitude, no simple 'thank you's, the desire to please will eventually die off. If you can't figure out why your husband/wife/kid/employee has developed a "bad attitude" about serving, or has lost their former helpfulness, perhaps it would serve to think about how long it has been s...ince they were sincerely thanked for an act of service?

This goes for adults and for kids as well. One thing that is making me crazy is the lack of hearing a simple "Thank you." Seriously, people!!! Is it so hard to show a little gratitude to your parent, child, spouse? Someone might say, "Well, why should I thank him for doing the dishes? I do them six nights a week!" or "Why should I thank her for making her bed? It's her job!" Because you should. That's all. When we lose the common courtesy of thanking people for doing something nice, how long are they going to continue to feel motivated to do it? And how long is it til you hear a wife complaining that her husband doesn't help out like he used to... instead of baiting him with honey (please/thank you), she shoos him away with vinegar (nagging/sniping). ARGH.

Focusing on the negative changes nothing, but merely puts blinders on us so we no longer see anything BUT the negative. Better for everyone that you close your eyes and be completely blind than continue to live with those blinders in place.

I totally mean this, literally.

Say your kid cleans up his room, but he leaves out his blocks and cars that he's in the middle of something with. You walk into the room and immediately see those blocks and cars. You don't see that he made his bed, put his other toys away, and is in the middle of creating something - all you see is MESS!!!!!! And you thrust your way through the MESS, swooping and sweeping it all away until the room is clean to your satisfaction. He is devastated by your destruction AND by your complete lack of notice/appreciation for the effort he made and was all set to be proud of. Better if you had never looked into the room in the first place.

Or, say your husband has a particular strength. He takes care of the cars, fixes things, whatever. But what he is NOT is internally motivated, nor is he particularly sensitive/aware. So while he is completely capable of doing anything you could possibly want him to do, he doesn't think to do them on his own. Or he does think of it, but it is put on a to-do list in his own sense of priority. You, although you have not actually told him clearly that X is something you really, REALLY need done, assume that "of course he knows that needs to be done, and knows it is important!" When he doesn't do it, you label him lazy, unmotivated, unhelpful, useless. The label becomes the reference point for how you see him. It becomes, in effect, a self-fulfilling prophecy. The unfortunate thing is, you completely miss out on seeing the things that he HAS done, like working full-time to pay your bills, checking your tires, changing your oil, or whatever. Those are outside the view from inside your blinders. Pity you both.

And yes, this does relate to the previous comment about gratitude.


I wonder how many fewer faults our husbands and kids would have if we spent less time looking for them?

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. After hearing a whole lot of people griping, sniping, harping and dwelling on this, that and the other thing that their kid or husband did wrong, does wrong, isn't up to snuff on, compares poorly on... I could just about puke. Honestly. It's enough to make me want to be a hermit. And it also, quite frankly, makes me miss my husband. :(

Just a quick check-in... things are going well, the trip to Mom's was uneventful (the way one would hope a flight and long drive would be), and the weather in Nova Scotia is foggy.

Nephew D's birthday party was yesterday and went over really well - but took a lot more time and effort than I plan on putting into a birthday party any time soon!!! My mom arranged a carnival day so they played a bunch of games where they won tickets and then they could cash them in for prizes at the end. Pizza, hot dogs, cheesies, ice cream, cake... all the stuff kids want. And a bunch of time in the pool too, of course. I don't know how many kids were here... 15+ anyway. Lots of chaos, but they all had a good time and no one drowned so I guess we can call it a success.

Haven't had much communication the last little while with hubby - things have been very busy for him so he hasn't had much time on the computer or phone. There have been four casualties (that I know of) in the last week, plus some other activities there, and all their regular work, so I'm feeling pretty bad about the lack of sleep he's getting. Hopefully things will work out that he'll get some downtime soon for a quick call home and a decent night's sleep. It's a little rough sometimes when we have these long gaps between chats... but keeping busy helps and we're definitely both doing that.

Anyway like I said, just a quick update. Not a whole lot of time right now for typing... but then there hasn't been a whole lot going on anyway, so... ciao!

My mom, every time we ever went away for a trip, always cleaned the house before we left. It seemed a bit mad to me, growing up. I never understood the point of stressing out and deep-cleaning the house for a week so that you were exhausted going into a vacation. And I confess, I still don't. However, in a small nod to my mom, I did wash all the sheets today so we will come back to clean beds. And I've spent a little extra time this week paying a bit more attention to things, so that when we leave tomorrow I will at least know that the dishes are all washed and put away, there is no laundry festering in the basement, and nothing on the floors to attract ants. But you know... I still don't feel a need to move all the furniture and wash underneath, scrub the cupboards, etc every time I'm going away for a week or two. I guess some things just are not inheritable. Which is probably good, for the sake of my children's and husband's sanity. LOL

Today was fun. We spent the morning a friend's farm on a tour with the local homeschool group. Lots of kids, animals, sunshine and space. A fabulous combination. I could have stayed there soooooo much longer... it was refreshing to be surrounded by nothing but animals and fields and smell nothing but farm smells. Sure, they're stinky, but it's sure better than car exhaust. And it was nice that for a few hours I wasn't surrounded by houses and concrete. Don't get me wrong - this base is really nice. It is well-maintained and a lot of work goes into making it very green. And where our house is, we actually have a fair amount of open space nearby. But it's not the same as having an acreage to wander and real work to do that involves life and dirt and seeing things happen. I was just walking along with A and feeling like, "aaaahhhhhh....." I think perhaps that's a sign that we need to get out more.

In sadder news, we lost another soldier today. A Cape Breton guy by the name of Sgt. James MacNeil, aka Jimmy. Which is sad. Thoughts and prayers appreciated for his friends and family... and also for my hubby and his section as they will be working the upcoming ramp ceremony for his repatriation. It's not something anyone looks forward to being involved in, but this will be their first so I'm pretty sure they're going to have a rough day.

Anyway... signing off, must go finish packing and get ready for this trip. Not to mention, it looks like rain and my car is wide open.

Oops.

Yeah. Well. I guess in this life we all have those "Wow, I really suck" moments. Trouble is, in the world of military wife, you rarely get a do-over. Today was one of those.

Don't get me wrong, the day as a whole was pretty good. It was warm and sunny, the kids got outside, we went to a yardsale, I remembered to return the library books, and we got a nice little thundershower to liven up the afternoon. And the kids are in bed at a reasonable hour.

It was just a little five-minute window where I blew it... one of those opportunities to be super-wife that fizzled into a whole lot of nothing. And I will have to get over kicking myself for it, but for the moment I'm still peeved.

Hubby called this evening with just 4 minutes remaining on his phone card. Which left me floundering just a bit. The call was unexpected as it was, but let's just say my brain doesn't function well with deadlines. So I ended up with very little to say, just a bit of everyday stuff, kids, weather... completely forgot to pass on the one bit of interesting news... and it hit me about a half an hour later... TOTALLY overlooked the fact that in his world it is already Sunday, meaning already Father's Day, and I didn't even mention it. Much less gather the girls to give their wishes to Daddy.

Talk about a sudden downward spiral for the psyche. Sigh. I am being plagued by this evil superwoman who sees the number on the phone, realized it's Sunday and calls the kids immediately over, answers the phone and has them tell Daddy "Happy Father's Day, I love you!!" before passing on the day's news and whatnot. Or at very least, realizes it at the last possible second before hanging up. Even THAT would be something.

Yeah. Perfectionist guilt really stinks. But so does forgetting to say the important words that need to be said, when the odds of a second chance are pretty much slim to none.

I think I need to go to bed. I've been up too late the last couple of nights, and being overtired doesn't help when you miss the guy you love more than anyone, you wish you could be the one making waffles and bacon for breakfast tomorrow, and you feel like instead you let him down in a big way. Hopefully the boxes that are en route with goodies and surprises will make up for it.

Yes, the rational part of me realizes that he is a guy, and guys don't get all hung up on stuff like this. And yes, that part of me also realizes that he totally gets that we are missing and loving and thinking about him every day. It's entirely self-inflicted guilt-tripping going on here.

I do that sometimes. What can I say? I think it's part of being a girl - I swear it's hard-wired or something.

I had the most interesting conversation with littlest miss this morning.

"Mommy, I need this dress off, 'cause I wet."

"Oh." Feel the dress, it's soaked in the back. With a bare bottom underneath. Ugh. "Where is your pullup?"

"Right there." Points to a dry pullup that she has put on my nightstand."

"No, I mean where is your OLD pullup?"

"In the bathroom. I taked it off and I peed."

"In the potty?!?"

"Yeah."

"Well, good girl!"

As the light dawns.... she hasn't mastered the art, nor even grasped the necessity, of holding up dresses and nightgowns so that they don't hang into the toilet behind her.

Still, a pretty encouraging start to the day. :)

Another day done, and this one was definitely a good one.

After having the rare and fabulous opportunity last night to talk to my honey for a solid hour, and then an uneventful night with only one child-awakening, I woke up to a beautiful sunny day. How could things start out any better?? :)

The girls played outside for a while and I made some effort in the kitchen, then we headed off to the library (we were too late for storytime, but they did the craft anyway thanks to the sweet girl who runs it). I'm running errands this week getting loose ends tied up before we leave town for a bit - returning library books and movies, paying the car registration, just little stuff like that, but there is a lot of it. We also picked up a new portable DVD player for the trip which is charging up now for its first trial run.

They were really good while I got my little things taken care of, so when all was said and done we went to the Canex for ice cream cones. (Yes, all three of us. Yes, I'm supposedly on a diet, but if you can't have ice cream once in a while, what's the point?) Back home and more outside time, a little more housework, supper, baths... and both kids in bed on time. A was asleep at 7:00, C at 8:00. Fabulous.

Add to that, it's one week left til our trip so we're all a little happy about that.

AND add to that, little missy spent all day in training pants today and didn't wet herself even once. Even including the two trips we made to town and the hours outside. Let's say, that alone would have made me super happy, but adding that onto an already good day? Ahh, bliss. Happy sigh. :)