Just popping in to say hello... the trip is going pretty well and we've had a chance to see most of the people we wanted to. Lots of time at the beach, too. This coming weekend is full of festival activities, assuming they don't all get rained out, and next week is filling up with various plans with (and without) friends or family. We'll be headed to New Brunswick for a bit soon, and I really can't wait for that, to see some of our dearest friends and to celebrate their new home :)

It's a little weird, this business of staying with family for an extended visit. On the one hand, it's great - the kids get to see their grandparents and cousin every day, there is another adult around most of the time, I have a car available, and there is no room & board charge. But on the other hand, it's really challenging as we have different eating styles, different housecleaning styles, vastly different attitudes about SO many things... and it's been hot & muggy quite a lot which lends itself to cranky kids and migraine headaches (really, REALLY bad combination).

I'm also surrounded by a really depressing trend of marriages in trouble, relationships gone sour, and kids who drive me a wee bit crazy. I'm sure there are just as many everywhere else, but here it's all people I know and it's a bit overwhelming seeing it all at once. Especially since I can just see so many things that could turn the tide around, little things that people do or don't do... and most of them are so small that I just want to shake people, knock their heads together, or scream!!!!!!!!!!!

I've posted little things to Facebook. I don't know if the people I'm concerned about even read my updates, but hopefully they will... and not take the comments as insults but as lightbulb moments.

Given no appreciative feedback, no gratitude, no simple 'thank you's, the desire to please will eventually die off. If you can't figure out why your husband/wife/kid/employee has developed a "bad attitude" about serving, or has lost their former helpfulness, perhaps it would serve to think about how long it has been s...ince they were sincerely thanked for an act of service?

This goes for adults and for kids as well. One thing that is making me crazy is the lack of hearing a simple "Thank you." Seriously, people!!! Is it so hard to show a little gratitude to your parent, child, spouse? Someone might say, "Well, why should I thank him for doing the dishes? I do them six nights a week!" or "Why should I thank her for making her bed? It's her job!" Because you should. That's all. When we lose the common courtesy of thanking people for doing something nice, how long are they going to continue to feel motivated to do it? And how long is it til you hear a wife complaining that her husband doesn't help out like he used to... instead of baiting him with honey (please/thank you), she shoos him away with vinegar (nagging/sniping). ARGH.

Focusing on the negative changes nothing, but merely puts blinders on us so we no longer see anything BUT the negative. Better for everyone that you close your eyes and be completely blind than continue to live with those blinders in place.

I totally mean this, literally.

Say your kid cleans up his room, but he leaves out his blocks and cars that he's in the middle of something with. You walk into the room and immediately see those blocks and cars. You don't see that he made his bed, put his other toys away, and is in the middle of creating something - all you see is MESS!!!!!! And you thrust your way through the MESS, swooping and sweeping it all away until the room is clean to your satisfaction. He is devastated by your destruction AND by your complete lack of notice/appreciation for the effort he made and was all set to be proud of. Better if you had never looked into the room in the first place.

Or, say your husband has a particular strength. He takes care of the cars, fixes things, whatever. But what he is NOT is internally motivated, nor is he particularly sensitive/aware. So while he is completely capable of doing anything you could possibly want him to do, he doesn't think to do them on his own. Or he does think of it, but it is put on a to-do list in his own sense of priority. You, although you have not actually told him clearly that X is something you really, REALLY need done, assume that "of course he knows that needs to be done, and knows it is important!" When he doesn't do it, you label him lazy, unmotivated, unhelpful, useless. The label becomes the reference point for how you see him. It becomes, in effect, a self-fulfilling prophecy. The unfortunate thing is, you completely miss out on seeing the things that he HAS done, like working full-time to pay your bills, checking your tires, changing your oil, or whatever. Those are outside the view from inside your blinders. Pity you both.

And yes, this does relate to the previous comment about gratitude.


I wonder how many fewer faults our husbands and kids would have if we spent less time looking for them?

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. After hearing a whole lot of people griping, sniping, harping and dwelling on this, that and the other thing that their kid or husband did wrong, does wrong, isn't up to snuff on, compares poorly on... I could just about puke. Honestly. It's enough to make me want to be a hermit. And it also, quite frankly, makes me miss my husband. :(